Because Robin Williams simply cannot be replaced.
Brace yourselves, readers – this is the latest absolute travesty to come out of the movie world. They’re only going and doing a Jumanji remake, which is, as we all know, a classic film that does not need modernising or doing again without Robin Williams.
This totally uncalled for remake of the 1995 classic will be released on 25 December 2016, and is Sony’s Christmas present to us. Well, we say present. These people were really, really not happy about it.
NO YOU CANNOT REMAKE JUMANJI DON'T EVEN TOUCH THAT PRECIOUS GEM OF A MOVIE DON'T YOU DARE
— emma (@yonderIand) August 6, 2015
how the hell are they making a jumanji sequel? such a insult to robin
— Candyland (@CandylandDJs) August 6, 2015
Not too happy that Sony are doing a "Jumanji" reboot, nothing will compare to the original with Robin Williams!
— TAYLOR (@TaylorAmesMusic) August 5, 2015
Some people got pretty creative with their insults.
Upcoming Sony Pictures projects: Bad Boys 4 & 5 Jumanji (Remake) Resident Evil 6 Barbie A Boot Stamping a Human Face Forever: The Movie
— MAX SCOVILLE™ (@MaxScoville) August 6, 2015
And this guy just wondered if it would be brought into the modern age.
"You downloaded the Jumanji app?" – hopefully a line from the JUMANJI reboot
— Brian Lynch (@BrianLynch) August 5, 2015
That last tweet got us thinking – Jumanji first came out twenty years ago, and a LOT has changed since then. Here’s a few questions we’ve got about how the remake will bring this classic into the modern age…
1. How will Judy fend off the giant mosquitos?
Kids don’t keep tennis racquets in their rooms any more,like Judy Shepherd (Kirsten Dunst) did. She’d obvs have to reach for her selfie stick instead.
2. Will monkey-Peter still look like…this?
Okay, we admit it – Peter Shepherd (Bradley Pierce) doesn’t look especially monkey-ish here. We reckon there’ll be some big budget CGI to make him extra ape-like, when he tries to cheat at the Jumanji game and gets turned into a primate as punishment.
3. Who’ll play Alan?
Robin Williams, who played Alan Parrish, was arguably the most important part of the film, but as we all know, he’s sadly not around any more to play a part in this Jumanji remake. If this was being done a couple of years earlier, we reckon he’d have at least had a cameo.
But someone has to take on the difficult task of playing Alan, the guy who found himself trapped in a jungle inside a boardgame. And we reckon, since he spends a lot of time semi-clothed in his Tarzan gear, that the part might go to one of Hollywood’s buff dudes. Chris Pratt, Tom Hardy or Channing Tatum, anyone?
Actually, they all look pretty terrifying. Maybe not.
4. Will Jumanji even be boardgame?
Boardgames. You tend to find them in independent bars in Shoreditch more than you do family homes these days. Even though Jumanji is meant to be, like, really old, could the remake see it re-imagined as an app, as the tweeter above suggested? Or a computer game? To be honest – we hope not – we love it just as it is!
Basically, we’re just not sure how it’s going to work. Guess we’ll have to wait til next Christmas to find out!
Thea de Gallier
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